Disclosure: This post contains shameless plugs as I just (today) became an Amazon Affiliate and am trying to figure out how this “monetizing your blog” thing works. However, I will never, ever mention a product that I do not one hundred percent believe in.
I dream of sleep, daydream that is. At the end of each day, I am thoroughly exhausted from working as an online teacher and chasing around one very energetic toddler. My back aches from carrying around said toddler, along with my laptop, while simultaneously conferencing with a parent and/or sweeping the floor.
My back aches from cooking dinner and bending over coloring with daughter each evening. My eyeballs ache from staring at a computer screen for eight plus hours a day. All of these aches and pains and yet, I lay down in bed each night and my foggy brain suddenly fires to life while my eyelids pop open. I have insomnia and it sucks, big time.
I am not one to take supplements, medications, or potions from Fairy Godmothers. I have tried yoga, visualization, hot baths, and essential oils. I have even (please excuse my first shameless plug) limited my consumption of the best coffee in the world, Nespresso VertuoLine Coffee and Espresso Maker with Aeroccino Plus Milk Frother .
Full disclosure, I am an Amazon Affiliate (see my disclosure page to read more), but you do not have to take my word for it. Trust George Clooney. Saying “no” to a second cup of this frothy goodness is no easy feat, but I do it for the sake of my sleep and my sanity.
My daughter still does not sleep through the night at age two, but I cannot really blame her. I am already wide awake each time she calls for me and she has apparently inherited the “sleepless” gene.
However, she is full of zest and vitality, as she happily skips through the day. I, on the other hand, stumble through each day while stifling yawns and daydreaming alternately of sleep of Nespresso Coffee (Seriously, it is the best coffee ever!)
I have never been a great sleeper. If a pin drops at my neighbor’s house, I will probably hear it and awaken with a start. I just have never lost this much sleep for this long (since December 2015, hence my lack of blog posts.)
I even bought a Smart Bracelet, thinking that perhaps I was getting more sleep than I thought and decided to track it. It turns out that I am averaging less than two hours of sleep per night.
I think I may have fallen into that “Mom” mentality where I feel like I have to do it all…all of time. I am a very dedicated teacher. I spend a great deal of time planning engaging lessons, fostering relationships with students and their families, and ensuring that I have fulfilled all of my duties as a member of my grade level team.
I cannot help wanting to continue to “teach” after my work day is complete by introducing my daughter to something new and exciting. I care about my students, but I love my daughter more than life. I truly enjoy spending time with her and watching her experience the world around her. I would not trade a single moment, not even for sleep.
I also really love my husband. I want to prepare delicious meals for him each night and talk to him about his day. I enjoy the company of friends, family, and neighbors. But how can I be a good teacher, mom, wife, friend, and neighbor and also do the laundry, clean the house, and make regular trips to Target? These are the thoughts that plague me in the wee hours of the morning.
I am currently reading a book for my mommy book club called, The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You, which is all about helping women find balance in their lives and making more time for themselves. If I had more time for myself, I would take a nap. It is what I asked for on both my Christmas and birthday wish lists.
I am trying to follow the author’s advice and realize that there is no such thing as the ability to do it all and be all things to all people. Intellectually, I know that this is true, but my brain cannot seem to compute.
Since I have nothing but time in the middle of the night to read, I am trying to follow the suggestions in The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You to the letter. Step one, say no. While “no” tends to be a regular part of the toddler vernacular,
I seem to have misplaced this word in my vocabulary. Thus, I have decided to create a mid year/beginning of summer resolution. I will learn to say “no”. I will condense my “To Do” list to only the most essential and most fun items and activities.
My hope is that when I say “no” to others, I can say “yes” to some much-needed slumber.