If you have ever struggled with infertility, you know that it is heart breaking and gut wrenching all at the same time. Your whole life depends on peeing on a little stick and getting the answer you seek. It is not the type of test that you can study for and yet you feel like a failure when you do not see the requisite number of lines.
People say to try not to think about it. “Have fun trying!” they advise. You cannot NOT think about it. Thinking about getting pregnant is all you can think about. It consumes you. You analyze, you research, you cry, you rage…and then you do it all over again next month.
It is challenging to find joy at all during this time, but it is particularly difficult to muster up some happiness for all of those who fall pregnant around you. I do not know which law of nature it is that allows everyone around you to get pregnant. All of the sudden your friend, your co-worker, your cousin, the clerk at the grocery store…everyone is knocked up and you are not. I know it makes you want to hurl sharp objects at these newly expectant mothers when they say things like, “It was an accident! We were not even trying!” or “I am so fertile…you just look at me and I get pregnant!”
I know you are sad and angry. I know you think it isn’t fair (and it isn’t), but instead of being mad and so jealous, your eyes might actually turn green with envy, be happy. Be happy for your pregnant sister or manicurist or second cousin twice removed. Here is why:
It is not about you
It is not about you; it is about them. Your friend did not get pregnant to spite you although it seems like the universe is totally mocking you. This is her story. You may or may not know what she had to endure throughout her own fertility journey. Be the bigger person. Put your feelings aside and be genuinely happy. Besides it being the right thing to do, when you finally make your long-awaited announcement, it sucks when people are not happy for you. It’s like your heart becomes a deflated balloon. Try not to rain on anyone’s parade because you want clear skies and sunshine when the tables are turned.
Babies are always something to celebrate
You know better than anyone what a precious gift a child is. Try to keep that in mind when someone you know is gifted instead of you. Babies are miracles! At this very moment, my entire circle of mom friends are either pregnant or just had their baby. Every. Single. One. We bonded initially because all of our babies (now toddlers) are each a month apart. As each one of my pack of mommies became pregnant, I was genuinely happy for them. I consider myself extremely lucky to have been granted my miracle baby and I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Another child would be amazing, but it is probably not in the cards for me.
It makes me feel good to see all of my friends so happy. I love brainstorming baby names with them and shopping for baby shower gifts. When each of them questioned whether or not they should have another baby shower, my answer was an unequivocal, “YES!” Babies should always be celebrated. Even if you are still waiting on your miracle baby to arrive, surrounding yourself with someone else’s baby joy can actually be healing instead of painful. It can take your mind off your troubles and help you get excited for when it is your turn.
Good karma is good karma
Despite all of the advances in modern medicine, there seems to be a bit of luck involved in conceiving. A little good karma never hurt anyone. I personally like to stockpile my good karma and save it up for a rainy day. I think that when you put enough positivity into the universe, it is bound to come back to you. Therefore, the happier you are for those around you, the more good vibes you put out into the world. Eventually, all of that positive energy will bounce back to you. It is just a matter of time!
A few final tips:
*The following include affiliate links to Amazon.
- Keeping your sense of humor will do wonders for your emotional well-being. Try reading:
2. It helps to express your emotions. Be sure to keep the lines of communication between you and your significant other open. If you need to cry, do it. Get it all out. Holding all of it in only fuels your stress. I like to journal, so that I can be brutally honest without hurting anyone’s feelings. Check out this infertility journal that provides tips and tricks while allowing you to vent:
3. Online shopping is your friend when shopping for your BFF’s baby shower. Baby stores can be overwhelming and why torture yourself? For unique gifts, check out Amazon’s online baby store filled with handmade baby products.
Or use Amazon to search for your friend’s baby registry items. I have discovered that you can usually find the same products as found at Babies “R” Us, but for a better price. Plus it is shipped directly to your house (or you can send it right to your friend!) and you never have to set foot in a baby store.
For the friend that is having their second…or third bundle of joy, give the gift that moms really appreciate. Diapers. I LOVE Amazon’s Subscribe and Save program, where you can get diapers and wipes at a discounted price, delivered right to your doorstep every month! It is the gift that keeps on giving.
What is your journey to motherhood? I would love to hear your story. Comment below or contact me if you would like to do a guest post on my site and share your experiences. Hang in there, mamas. I know your struggle.