One of the eight principles of Attachment Parenting is to “Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life.” I have the “striving for” part, but I definitely do not have the “balance.” You may be noticing a theme here from my previous posts, Confession: I’m a Mom and I Can’t Do It All and The Struggle of a Working Mama that being a mom is HARD! It is also incredibly wonderful, but it is also HARD. I just want to make that clear!
The thing is….I am doing it all or at least a whole lot. I may not be sleeping, but I am rocking my “To Do” list. My administrators and co-workers would say that I am organized and on top of all of my teacher duties. I think even my students would say that they are actually learning and feel like I care about them (which I do). My daughter would say that I love her SO MUCH and that she does not have to negotiate the number of stories we read per night like Olivia the Pig does with her mom.
My husband, however, might sing a different tune. Although I am cooking meals, running errands, and keeping the house clean, my hubby has noticed the difference in my demeanor. I do not have the usual pep in my step. My shoulders are slumped and you could pack for a trip around the world in the bags under my eyes.
I might be gettin’ it done as a mom (most of the time), but I still feel guilty about all the other things I’m not doing or could do better. This mom guilt keeps me up at night. In effort to banish my momsomnia and mom guilt, I am making some conscious choices about the things I will no longer feel guilty for. These are the things I will not apologize for from this day forth!
1. I will not apologize for my appearance
My daughter looks adorable at all times, even when she dresses herself in her favorite mismatched outfits of four tutus and two pairs of socks. I do not pull off the Punky Brewster look quite as well these days. But I am not going to apologize for the fact that my top and shirt do not match or are even from the same season. I am not going to apologize for the fact that I do not even know where my makeup bag is or the fact that I never “do” my hair. This is what I look like when I work from home and roll to the grocery store, people. It may not be pretty, but it is reality. Deal with it, fellow shoppers.
2. I will not apologize for being late
I would like to be on time, of course. However, I have a toddler in tow who wants to bring every toy she owns everywhere we go and has to use the potty the second I buckle her into her car seat. I am going to be late. It is kind of inevitable. Even if I am going someplace by myself (which is rare), I will still be late. One, I can’t find my makeup bag. Two, my daughter is going to need a hug, snack, potty, help finding her toy, or juice before I leave. Being on time is just not going to happen.
3. I will not apologize for serving a dinner that comes from a freezer or a drive-thru
I would love to cook a delicious meal from scratch for my family every night. But some days, I am just too dang tired. So, I might serve frozen chicken fingers and french fries with a frozen veggie on the side for good measure. If Trader Joe’s did not provide such delicious frozen food options, I might not be as tempted to buy and serve them! Or, I might hit up In ‘n Out because although I abhor all fast food, they make one delicious cheeseburger. Really, I am just giving back to the economy, so I do not even need to apologize for serving processed food.
4. I will not apologize for saying “no”
No, I will not take on that extra responsibility at work/home. This is my “Year of No” and that is just that. It is not, “I’m sorry, but no I can’t.” Now, I just say, “No.” It is like I’m Nancy Reagan! If you are thinking about instituting a “No” policy, be forewarned. People will not like it! But, they will get over it and hopefully, they will understand that you just have a lot on your plate.
5. I will not apologize for asking for “me time”
There are seriously not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish everything I really want to. I have work responsibilities, mom responsibilities, and wifely responsibilities. There are the errands to run and the household chores to complete. Not to mention, my fur baby could really use some mommy time and a nice, long walk. It is impossible for me to do all that AND have time for myself. If someone could figure out cloning, that would be pretty awesome.
Like Jessie Spano said on Saved by the Bell, “There is never any time!” However, I will not let the lack of time thwart my efforts to find a little “me time”. It is not every day, but one evening this week, I asked my husband to do the bed time routine by himself, so I could just lay. The episode of Friends where Ross gets a spray tan was on and I laughed myself silly. It was perfect and just what I needed. Fifteen to twenty minutes here and there to just be still, check social media, or watch a sitcom instead of Curious George. This is all I need and I will not apologize for asking for it!